get a spotter

When people find out that I’m in a band, the first question they ask is: “What instrument do you play?” I hate that question. But only because I am embarrassed by the answer. I don’t know how to play anything, although sometimes I try to whack the cowbell with some sort of consistency. I say try, because I regularly fail. I should stick with just snapping my fingers, cuz when I mess that up, at least it’s not loud enough to throw Ray off the beat. Ray, on the other hand is great with the cowbell. Whenever I am messing up, he casually picks up his cowbell and throws it at me with supernatural precision.

Anyway, I don’t know how to play anything. But I’m in a band because I can remember some words to some songs. Most of the time, anyway. Oh yes, I screw that up too. Just not as often. And no one throws anything, ‘cuz both of Johnny’s hands are busy with the guitar, and Benny is just laughing. So, you may be wondering: “Tommy, is there anything that you are not horrible at?” Well wonder no more. After considering this question for some time, I have come to the conclusion that I have above average dancing skillz*. I don’t know how to Tango or Lambada, and I can almost fake my way through a Jitterbug. But what wows ‘em every night is my perfect execution of the JGLB Shuffle.

You see, a good friend of mine wrote a song to remind me of all the individual dance steps required in the JGLB Shuffle. It’s a helpful little verse that really keeps me concentrating on the task. For those that are curious, or think that you may have the necessary patience required to learn and then apply that knowledge, or perhaps you just want to be able to converse with your contemporaries on the intricacies of the national dance craze, I have a gift for you. Following is the key that helps me make it through each night as a premium entertainer, the words to the JGLB Shuffle song:

Put your left foot to the left. And your right foot to the left. Then your right foot to the right. And your left foot to the right. Repeat.

Remember, you don’t have to sing the lyrics out loud. Just think about them in you mind, and let your feet move with the music. Please use caution when using this approach, and start slowly as to not overexert yourself. Have fun!

*also note how hip I am by spelling skills with a z.